The Last

What if this moment is your last?

The world is precarious. Life is precarious. You’re walking on eggshells every second of your life. The second your living in right now might just be your last. You head outside and as you rev up the engine of your car, you can’t be sure that you’ll ever return. You leave for school. As you’re talking to your friend, you can’t be sure that it will be the last conversation you’ll have with her. Sometimes I constantly worry about the people I care about. I get anxious when a family member leaves for a trip. I get anxious as I watch my dad drive off into the thick of traffic after dropping me off at school. I get anxious when my mom goes out shopping. It’s the what if. Sure, you can anxiously reel off statistics of how the likelihood of the occurrence of such events is low enough to keep the human race alive, but still. The chance of you getting hit by a car is about 1 in 3000. But how do you know that the next time you take a drive is not the time when you meet the morbid fate? You don’t. We think it is the artists and the entrepreneurs of the world who are living their lives in abject uncertainty and risk, but every single one of us does it every single day. We should pat ourselves on the back for it.

And then there’s the thinking aspect of it. I, like most people, am scared of thinking about it. But I shouldn’t be. We’re scared of even thinking about death, but if we can’t handle the mere thought of it- which is literally a figment of our imaginations- what are we going to do when we are confronted with it? When we lose someone. When death occurs and is very much real. This scares me a lot.

I don’t want to be scared, but I feel like I have all the reason to be. I don’t think my fears are irrational…right? It’s like turbulence in an airplane. Every time it happens, you worry the plane will crash. And when it doesn’t…you still worry because it could happen again.

Admittedly, thinking about your own mortality is inspiring in some respects. It inspires change, it makes you want to take a long look at your life and think about what you want to accomplish during the stretch of time you have left and the legacy you want to leave behind…and that’s the most optimistic I will be. I apologise for the profuse pessimism of the blog, but maybe someday, you will be thankful.